Books

Yep, I’ve published a couple.  And hope to continue on with that particular bad habit  in days,  months, years to come.  Feel free to enable me by checking them out — from the library, your local bookstore or (gasp!) via e-reader.  Jeez, did I really just use the “e-word”?

How to Date in a Post-Dating World
by Diane Mapes

Dating is no picnic these days. Manners are missing, expectations are out of control, and nobody knows who’s supposed to pay for dinner (or slap out the condoms).  Until now.  Diane Mapes’ hands-on, irreverent guide for the modern, mangled single is filled with advice from today’s savvy singles as well as experts on everything from sex to serial killers to style. Written for men and women, gay and straight, old and young and everything in between, How to Date in a Post-Dating World is a friendly roadmap to help singles navigate a world where a 100 years of conflicting customs, shifting social mores, and consumer-crazed society have made it easier for people to get their own reality TV show than find someone they like.

Fabulously witty …
— Kirkus Reviews

A fabulous compendium.
— Seattle Metropolitan Magazine

A witty yet wise guide to the frenetic, confounding world of dating today, online and off.
— Seattle Post-Intelligencer

Clever, fresh, and totally hilarious. If you’re single, you need this book!
— Suzanne Schlosberg, author of The Curse of the Singles Table

Single State of the Union: Single Women Speak Out on Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Happiness
Edited by Diane Mapes

 Are single women happy individualists? Neurotic man hunters? Crazed cat ladies? Are they confused, or content? Bitter, or better off? No one seems to know. The popular media give us shoe shopaholics, ditzy desperados, and wannabe brides forever making cow eyes at The Bachelor. But what do single women have to say about their own lives? With sass, humor, and style, Single State of the Union paints a provocative, playful, and complex portrait of today’s single woman with contributions by Margaret Cho, Chelsea Handler, Susan Jane Gilman, Sasha Cagen, Jane Ganahl, Laurie Notaro and many more. Looking for a collection of essays that portrays single women as individuals whose lives extend well beyond Match.com and Manolo Blahniks? Welcome to Single State of the Union!

A collection of smart and funny stories by single and formerly single writers.
— Bust Magazine

A crackerjack collection of essays by single women who write with utter frankness about the joys and challenges of singlehood, with emphasis on its considerable joys.
— Seattle Post-Intelligencer

Essential reading for anyone inclined to think outside the hope chest.
— Playgirl

Fifty Shades of Brains
As (half of) B.F. Dealeo

SEX. ZOMBIES. REALLY ANNOYING PRESENT TENSE NARRATION. When Survival School student Aurora Foyle interviews Seattle’s premiere zombie hunter, Caligula Green, she encounters a man who is intense, intelligent and incredibly perverse… and not in a good way.

She falls for him nonetheless and agrees to become his apprentice in order to remain at his side (or better yet, on his lap). Unfortunately, as the controlling, charismatic Green starts to train Aurora in the fine art of offing the undead, she discovers the zombie apocalypse has affected her lover far more than she imagined.

In fact, the guy may have gone slightly insane — something that may happen to her if she’s not careful. Dark, droll and delightfully depraved, Fifty Shades of Brains will amuse, disturb and disgust you — at least that’s the aim. 😉

“One of the funniest, snarkiest, most twisted books I’ve read in a long time. Done as a spoof (or homage, you decide) for E.L. James’ 50 Shades of Grey book … If you like 50 Shades of Grey and like zombies, you will love this book. If you didn’t like 50 Shades of Grey and like zombies, you will love this book. If you don’t like zombies, you just aren’t worth talking to.”
— DanyaW

“I absolutely loved it! There is a sick and twisted sense of humor to this book, but it works. I hope there is more to come!”
— jnichols39

“A very bawdy romp …”
— Amazon customer

“I tried reading Fifty Shades of Grey, but had to stop before all my brains leaked out of my head from the sheer crappiness of the writing. Having read this book and the fun it pokes at FSoG with a malfunctioning cattle prod I have to say I’m very happy with my decision to cease and desist. Everything I need to know about it I learn in this book and it’s much funnier, too … The humor in this book isn’t for everyone. It’s not cute funny, it’s sick, twisted funny and I love it. There’s so much going on I just know I’m going to read it again just to see what I missed because you can bet I missed a lot with all my giggling. I swear I forgot how much I love parodies.”
— A Voracious Reader